A year Ago
A year ago last week, I climbed my first V-3, went on my first date with Henry, and was smack-dab in the middle of heavy grief.
In March & April of 2022, I was walked through the season of Lent, reading the book of Ezekiel. Lent was a powerful, wonderful, and painful season last year. I was living in a beautiful home in Nashville with really cool roommates who I felt God had specifically opened the door to live with. (I will write another post soon on how God orchestrated this in my life!) I was working three jobs to support it and climbing and working out as much as I could on the side.
I had wanted for the longest time to follow the Church calendar, intentionally studying along in each of the seasons. This year, I chose to really lean into Lent. I prepared my heart and mind to fast during Lent, as well as purchased a bible study from She Reads Truth.
The fast was from social media. I love social media. But I knew I had been putting more focus on the online world than in my real life, and realized it had gotten a bit unhealthy for me. I was also on month five of healing from a very broken relationship that had spanned about four months the previous summer/fall. Part of the fast was seeking clarity and vision from God on the person I was supposed to be waiting for and believing for that I would spend a lifetime with. I felt that I had options of people to date in Nashville, but I didn’t want to settle for a just anyone, or something easy, just because I was ready and I wanted it.
The week Lent started, I got a text from my family that my Grandfather was passing away. It’s so hard to describe in words the significant role my Granddad played in my life. Raymond Titsworth was the most generous, kind, intelligent man I have ever known, next to my husband, Henry. My Granddad took me to Arkansas Razorback games and on truck-bed, country-lane, dusty-gravel drives. He taught me how to steward the things the Lord has entrusted me with. He taught me how to love unconditionally. He gave me the 2003 Lexus I still drive and maintain to this day. My friendship and mentorship from Granddad was a source of peace, comfort, and joy throughout my childhood and into early adulthood.
Lent began in this space of expectation that Granddad would pass. Thankfully, he went gracefully and peacefully on March 6. I stayed in Conway, Arkansas for two weeks, and attended his funeral. I will probably write another post about the grieving process and the people who were involved and what that all meant to me. Needless to say, the time with family meant so much to me. I ate cheese dip at Stoby’s with my brother at least three times. #IYKYK I got home from Conway back to Nashville and continued to climb. On March 27, 2022, I climbed my first V-3, which is a bouldering grade (top of the beginner grades). My closest friends were there to witness & record it for me. It was odd not sharing much about my Grandfather on social media. It was difficult not to share with my online friends about the victory I had in my climbing. There was no gratification from people responding to my posts, and I wasn’t sharing with my online community the highs and lows of what I experienced. But I needed that reset. I needed the quiet space with just myself and Jesus. No distractions.
However, there was joy in that time as well. I had people support me in that season who were the sweetest gifts. My small group leaned in, my roomies leaned in. (Thanks for the sake, Bekah & the gummies from Whole Foods, Si!!) AND, I met my husband during Lent! On March 29, I met CPT Henry Biemann. Our initial conversation when he came into my office was brief, simple, and sweet. We even did pull-ups together! Our friendship began to form from our first date at the Fox as we relived childhood adventure tales and shared some of our deeper life milestones walking across the Nashville pedestrian bridge. I didn’t know it then, but soon I would, that this was the man I would spend the rest of my life with!
It seems like, and truly was a different era of my life. I transitioned from single to dating to engaged in the course of about three months, and it all began during Lent. It was a season of study, and reflection. Of grief and joy. It was a time when I said “no” to a lot of good, so I could say “yes” to God’s best for me. And Henry is truly God’s best, and greatest gift to me. We were married for three months on March 23 of this year! We are still learning the rhythms of married life, and it is such a joy to walk alongside him. I needed the time of Lent to grieve my own personal sin, to fast from my own self gratification, and truly let the Lord work in me and bring about what he wanted. He didn’t want me to settle for just anyone, he wanted me to first and foremost deeply know Him. Second, he wanted to bring the man of my dreams literally to my doorstep, without any striving on my part. What a gift! Looking back, I can see the beautiful ways God was orchestrating my story, giving me victory in during some of the deepest pain I have felt.
May all of you who are endeavoring to finish this Holy Week well, walk into the weekend with eyes wide & focused on Jesus, the Lamb of God. He is not far off, He is with us. He is the Lamb who was slain so we could worship and be set free from sin, death, and bondage to our own selfishness. I’m so grateful for His sacrifice and for all the little (and big!) ways He shows me He cares and is still present and active in our lives today.
